February 13, 2019

Government orders plebiscite on Marriage At First Sight

"It’s trending every night, for better or worse, and we could only dream of that kind of popularity in an election year.”

January 25, 2019

Arnott’s continue ‘Aussie Legends’ line with Aerogard-flavoured Shapes

The snack has already received a ringing endorsement from the Prime Minister, who insisted that they be served at citizenship ceremonies nationwide.

December 25, 2018

Moro Bars prepare for months-long stay in back of fridge

“It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you’re the last one in the bowl, especially after Nan has come and taken all of the Turkish Delight.”

November 13, 2018

Video game violence blamed for sudden spike in Stagecoach robberies

PARENTS groups are up in arms after an unprecedented increase in stagecoach robbery and hog-tying since the release of Red

November 8, 2018

SJW confined to bedrest after two days of ‘world-changing’ Facebook posts

"Now I know what a racehorse feels like - the ones that don't get shot I mean."

January 19, 2018

Global warming sole cause of summer heat says moron

"I hate being so sweaty all the time! That's why I don't do any exercise," Reggie complained.

August 17, 2017

Islamic woman attends mosque dressed as Pauline Hanson

"I think there’s a genuine security threat in allowing people who look like this to be out in public"

August 15, 2017

Man suspected of Nazism after buying 30 Tiki torches at Bunnings

"I'm just having a bunch of people over for a barbie and I fuckin' hate mosquitos"

August 14, 2017

Pistol and Boo call for ‘humane execution’ of Barnaby Joyce

Or at least get him desexed

April 7, 2017

Coca Cola planning to match Pepsi with their own culturally-insensitive advertisement

"I had the idea for Santa Claus spraying Coke out of his sleigh all over Africa and making everyone white and middle-class - that went into the 'maybe' pile."