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2 person gathering limit makes absolutely no difference to Sydney nightlife

The city of Sydney has seen a massive surge in nightlife this week, after new government restrictions came into place forcing bars to have no more than 2 people on premises at any time.

“I haven’t seen this much foot traffic in years!” exclaimed one Kings Cross bar owner as a solitary nightwalker made his way down the street for a bit of socially distant exercise. “God this is just like the old days when people were being taken away by police and ambulances on the regular, though admittedly for other reasons.”

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Bars have also reported an uptick in customers seeking out any form of strong alcohol to convert into homebrew hand sanitiser. “Yea we’ve been doing great sales on our 80% alcohol,” explained one bartender. “Technically we’d normally just use that stuff to wipe down the bar but now it’s our best seller!”

Asked what she thought of the new restrictions, former Premier Mike Baird said that stepping down to spend more time with family was a huge mistake, and he will now do anything if somebody would just let him out of the house for 10 minutes to get away from his annoying kids.

The Chaser