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“As per my last email” responds co-worker who is clearly on the brink of homicide

Local worker Nicola Fury has today been placed on a police watchlist, after systems flagged that she just sent an email that begins with ‘As per my last email’ to her co-worker James, signalling that she is on the brink of murder.

Analyst report that the curt email, reading “Hi James, as per my last email the report is available on Dropbox. Here is the link in case you missed it. Nicola.” is possibly some of the most passive-agressive office speak they have seen, with the text roughly translating to “Listen here fucker! I already sent you the report you empty headed moron. How incompetent are you? I will see you in hell.” in non-office speak.

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The report is the second time in two days Nicola has been flagged in the terror monitoring database, with the middle-manager having previously been reported to have used the phrase ‘moving forward’ suggesting a colleague has one last chance at getting his job right before being jettisoned out the window.

Update: Police have put out a message asking for any information regarding the wellbeing of Mr Workman after he responded to Fury’s email by saying, “Oh yes, I see that now. All good.” implying he does not understand the danger he is currently in.




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