In response to criticism over the many controversial statements made by anti-vaxxers within his ranks, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today taken firm action, telling the press that this sort of thing is just not on, unless the rebel MPs want to continue to doing whatever the hell they like, in which case they may proceed.
“I’m just not going to stand for this,” explained Morrison. “In fact I gave George Christensen a very stern talking-to earlier, and, well, I’m not entirely sure he was listening to me, but if he keeps up the bad behaviour, I can tell you right now that I will not hesitate to ask him again to please consider maybe not saying that stuff quite so much.”
When asked why he won’t just expel Christensen and his colleagues, the PM was quick to explain why such an option wasn’t feasible. “Those sorts of captain calls can only be used in the most serious of situations, like saving Craig Kelly from losing his preselection, or redirecting federal funding to un-needed carparks. In the end, we are not a monolith, and we appreciate the broad diversity of views among our colleagues… as long as they don’t cross the line and do something crazy like being a woman.”
Sources have told the press that the Prime Minister isn’t ruling out even more extreme measures if the anti-vax MPs don’t fall into line, including setting up a naughty chair they will have to sit in for twenty minutes while thinking about what they have done.