Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today walked back on earlier claims that Sydneysiders will be receiving Covid relief payments, stating that there were a few conditions that he had forgotten to disclose.
“First of all, if you are in a marginal electorate, then your Covid relief payments will be delivered in the form of a swimming pool or a new women’s change room. If you are in a Labor seat, the stimulus money will be handed to News Corp to distribute as they see fit. And finally if you are a private school student or graduate, then you would have already received your payment money early due to an error on our part. No need to pay that back, Robodebt is only for criminals on Centrelink.”
Asked whether Melbourne citizens still feeling the effects of their 4 months of lockdowns might also be eligible for some of the money, Morrison laughed and said for a moment there he thought he heard somebody say something, before reminding himself that Melbourne voters aren’t real and are just a story made up to scare pollsters.