Turnbull launches election campaign: “Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. What the fuck have I done?”

Malcolm Turnbull has vowed to go to a July 2 election in face of plunging support, a divided backbench, and nothing to legislate during the next three weeks of parliament.

“Yep, it’s on July 2nd. Just like I said,” Mr Turnbull told reporters cheerfully. “The Senate called my bluff, and so I’m going to call theirs. Hah! That’ll show them! I’ve got a two of clubs and three of spades. What have they got?”

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Mr Turnbull then clenched his fists, faced the sky and said to himself “Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. What the fuck have I done?”

When asked about his comments, Mr Turnbull said he was just clearing his throat.

Mr Turnbull said that he expected the Government would be re-elected. “If Scott Morrison fucks up the budget, it’ll be all his fault,” said Mr Turnbull.

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