Adidas cuts ties with Kanye over concerns his anti-semitism might upset their child laborers

The Adidas corporation has this week cut ties with controversial musician Kanye West, stating that his recent public outbursts do not align with the company’s squeaky clean image centred around overpriced shoes made in sweatshops full of children.

“Holy hell I really must have gone too far,” said Kanye upon hearing even the child slave company was distancing themselves from him. “Come to think of it, getting dumped by a woman who leaked her own sex tape on her mum’s advice, because she thought I was acting too weird probably should have been a red flag too.”

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The Adidas corporation has since announced they have found a new sponsor, unveiling that they have been recently flirting with Pete Davidson – though they have since settled on Taylor Swift as a new mascot telling Kanye “we would have like to have let you finish, but Taylor had the greatest music video of all time.”

The Chaser