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Authorities warn parents to check halloween bags following reports sick individual was handing out candy bananas

Federal police have today issued an emergency warning for all parents to carefully check of any confectionery bags that children may have brought home following this years halloween, over reports that some cruel person was giving children those really gross fake banana candies.

“It doesn’t even taste like banana,” sobbed one victim’s parent. “It’s basically yellow chalk. What kind of twisted individual would think that was the right thing to give an innocent child.”

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Police say they are extremely concerned with this development, stating candy bananas could easily become a gateway snack for children to begin exploring even more exotic terrible confectionary, from Musk sticks, to black jellybeans, to those fake cigarettes that can no longer be named in polite company.

“We’ve learned a lot from last year’s Halloween scare,” said a spokesman from the company this afternoon. “After we discovered that some unethical individuals were spiking children’s razor bags with black-liquorice we’ve taken great strides to ensure that all sales of unwanted confectionery items, from Hershey’s to cherry ripes, are logged and monitored by the stores that stock them. And to those that are considering handing these out to children, we’re begging you, just stick to giving out ecstasy like any normal sicko.”




The Chaser