Earlier this afternoon, Medibank announced that they have dropped the word ‘Private’ from their name to better reflect how securely they hold the confidential medical information of their users.
“Medibank has always been about more than just money,” said a representative, “we are about convenience and ease of access, especially to our user data. We are an open and trusting company for all users and hackers, we have nothing to hide about what surgery our users need or recent abortions they might have had.”
Medibank announced they will be changing their social media accounts and email addresses to reflect this, mainly because they can’t get into their current accounts anymore. “We tried calling customer service but gave up after being on the phone with our team for an hour.”
UPDATE: Medibank has failed to change their social media accounts after they forgot to secure them before announcing the change, leading the Bureau of Meteorology to snatch them up as they couldn’t think of any other available account names.