NSW farmer begs kids to lay off the corn

Stereotypical farmers standing on their decks wearing akubras have rushed inside today, to inform Marge that those bloody kids are at it again with the corn.

“Marge! Marge!! The rains! Those little shits are at it again!” said a furious Bruce Bruceford. “Bloody hell, all this water is gonna wash away our prized duttons!”

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However, scientists have rushed to point out that the unseasonable 5th 100-year flood in one year is likely not the result of Bruce’s children eating corn out of a second story window, but is much more likely to be the devastating climate change that every climate expert has been warning about nonstop for the last 35 years.

“Yea, somewhere between those giant bushfires and the twenty two floods we’ve had since then, we started to get the feeling we might have been right about the whole coal thing,” said one researcher. “Unfortunately though one fringe scientist paid by the oil lobby still says it also could all just be an incredibly specific string of coincidences, so I guess we can’t really be certain.”

“So to play it safe, we should probably just keep burning coal for another 30 years and wait to see if things improve.”

The Chaser