“People can’t change genders” insists man that believes Jesus can be a biscuit

Devout theologian Rev. Brent Corrigan has today insisted to followers that it is simply not possible for one of God’s creations to be born the wrong gender, as the Lord simply never makes mistakes. “We cannot simply attempt to alter God’s plan for people’s bodies,” explained his holiness while wearing bifocal glasses. “That’s why we never do anything to change the bodies we are given, and I feel this deep in my pacemaker driven heart.”

Explaining his stance was simply based on all zero passages in the bible where Jesus condemns transgendered people, Rev. Corrigan told his followers that it simply doesn’t fit with the bible that a person could transform into another body. “It just doesn’t align with what the Bible says,” explained Corrigan. “I challenge anyone to point to a single passage in the bible where a woman was created from a man.”

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“The fact is trans people don’t exist according to our beliefs,” continued Corrigan. “Unless we’re talking about transsubstantiated people taking the form of a biscuit. Then it makes perfect sense.”

“We also can’t condone genital surgery,” he explained. “Unless it’s on unwitting babies.”

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