Prime Minister who runs a party full of wankers, Scott Morrison has reacted to the really just fucking weird revelation that a Liberal staffer jerked off on a female minister’s desk when she wasn’t around and filmed the entire thing which he sent to his mates. While the rest of the country takes a minute to process that fucking sentence existing in the world now, the PM has questioned whether the desk had done enough to make sure it wasn’t inviting the staffer to wank on it.
“Why did the desk put itself in that position in the first place?” asked the PM who thank fuck for Jenny he clearly hasn’t spoken to yet. “I am not saying it is the desks fault, but I think we should consider if the desk was wearing something provocative that would force a guy to want to blow his load all of it. Men just can’t help themselves and desks need to remember that.”
“While what happened is regrettable, wanking on a desk is something you can observe in offices all around the country. My concern is what about all the innocent men who wank on desks in order to share to their mates. The staffer has been let go, years after the event after we failed to properly cover-it up. We truly apologise for that failure. The boys who received the footage have had a stern talking to about how they only kept it to themselves for 3 years.”
“Clearly the problem here is that desks aren’t doing enough to stop themselves from being sexually assaulted by men. Why are desks not doing enough to speak up against the men jizzing on them? But also I would like to remind any desks wanting to stand up to this behaviour, in some countries they are just shooting jizz on desks who don’t want to be raped. Just keep that in mind.”