WHO warns of new pandemic after 5 new variants of Scott Morrison were detected over the weekend

Borders have slammed shut around the world today, after the World Health Organisation warned they have detected least 5 new variants of Scott Morrison circulating in the community.

Following recent outbreaks of the “Welder”, “Forklift Driver” and “Hairdresser” variants, experts are now warning that Scott Morrison is now mutating forms at an alarming rate,  and that the national disaster might not be over despite initial hopes that it had been completely wiped out in May.

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“Over the weekend we have confirmed the new ‘Ex-Prime Minister’, ‘Health Minister’, ‘Finance Minister’, ‘Resources Minister’ variants with talk of more variants to come,” explained one virologist. “We’re waiting for the ‘Jenny and Girls’ variant to re-emerge any minute now.”

The Chaser