BETHLEHEM, Monday: The second coming has ended prematurely after Jesus Christ become the latest casualty of fighting in the Middle East. Jesus was killed after he returned to his birthplace of Bethlehem during an onslaught by the Israeli army. It is believed he was preparing to hand out retribution to sinners and end the world.
An Israeli spokesperson described the killing as “easier than the first time”.
Jesus’s father, God, and close relative, the Holy Spirit, have both expressed grief at the death.
“I told him that Bethlehem was too dangerous nowadays,” said God. “But do you think he would listen to his father? I’m never wrong about things like this, or anything in fact.”
Leaders of Christian nations all over the world have called for an end to the fighting as a result of the death.
“I don’t mind a few hundred Palestinians dying, but killing a Christian, let alone Christianity’s founder, is taking it too far,” said US President George W. Bush.
There are reports that Jesus may have risen from the dead three days after being shot. Unfortunately he was killed again by a suicide bomber while enjoying a coffee in Jerusalem.